“Getting to know you, getting to know all about you…” This is a show tune from a 1951 musical called The King and I. I used to sing it when I was younger. I was travelling on the train one day, thinking about the title of my next blog post, when this simple tune just popped up in my mind. It really triggered my thoughts on this – how many of us actually know ourselves well? More importantly, how many of us are consciously aware of the kind of values that are important to us?

What Are Values? 
I kind of liked this definition about values: 
“Values are the beliefs of a person or social group in which they have an emotional investment, either for or against something.”

A Case of Conflicting Values
Here’s a little case study. What will you do in a situation like this?

It’s your daughter’s third birthday. You have been working late for the past few weeks but you promised you’ll be home early on this special day. You even bought her a doll house from her favourite toy store. It’s 5.30pm on your clock. You are about to leave the office. Suddenly, your boss calls you on your mobile phone. “Hey Dan. There’s this important client that I’ll like you to meet tomorrow. If we manage to clinch a deal with him, your promotion is guaranteed. Let’s discuss this over dinner.”

Family versus work over here. Two conflicting values. Tough choice isn’t it? Well, not if you have your value hierarchy right.

Your daughter?

or

Your work?

What Do You Value Most?
Coming to a decision for the above-mentioned scenario is easy when you know where your priorities lie. If you value family, your daughter’s birthday comes first. If you value your job or wealth more, you might choose the latter. The following are a list of values you might have:

This list is by no means extensive. Check out Steve Pavlina’s list of values. He also wrote an interesting article on values in two parts – “Living Your Values Part I, Part II”.

Rank Your Values!
Start making a list of your values. Like Steve, I recommend that you keep it to your top ten. To prioritize your values, put them through a value funnel. Start off by putting three values to through the funnel. Compare them and ask yourself this, “Of these three, if I were to keep one, what will it be?” To avoid confusion, stick to comparing three or less values each time.

In this example, success is chosen as the most important out of the three. Between family and friends, compare again. Suppose you choose family, you now know that success > family > friends. Repeat the process until you obtain a clear ranking amongst your top ten.

If this way of comparison is too abstract for you, try relating your values to tangible objects, activities or events. For instance, if you are comparing success and love, you might equate success to “being recognized by your others” and love to “an intimate hug with your husband or wife”.

What’s Up Next?
Now that you have identified your top ten values, update your mind-map! In my next post, I’ll discuss about applying values to your life, how to keep your important values in check and using values to make decisions.